Essay Comments

Evan,
i think that you do have a good strong point to your essay here, i mean it is sound in its arguments. i just strongly disagree with your main argument being your main argument. I think that it is just a basic question. i know you are smart but i think that it really has no orgionality. I think that you could have done so much more. I mean look at your counter-argument. It has an origional idea and it is presented well. I am not saying to redo your paper but expand on that idea. If you just work with that idea you really have something. I never thought about smoke signals or telegrams like that. They are the same basic idea but yet we are getting up tight about the internet. There is so much potential yet you dont utilize it. I think that this paper has all it needs but i just dont see any origionlity too it. I mean thats what i was looking for its up to you though. what you have is strong but i think that it could be creative. Its up to you though...to continue my comment
i think this paper is great but there is no heart behind it
my grades are
POV: 2.5
Evidence: 3
Effective Organization: 3
Connections and Significance: 4
Opposing POV: 4
Communication Written: 3
Communication Performance: 3
Total 22.5

Devin, since neither of my partners have an essay and you didn't have any comments i decided to look at yours and i have to say i really was impressed. You really did a great job opening your essay and really caught my attention and i think your evidence really connects to what the average teenager does. You connected it to some issues that really affect us on a day to day basis and can become impending threats. I think you base your thesis a little too much on FEED, and that could have been a problem but i think you work it out amazingly.

my grades are
POV: 4
Evidence: 3
Effective Organization: 3
Connections and Significance: 4
Opposing POV: 4
Communication Written: 3
Communication Performance: 3
Total 24