I asked my friend P.J. about some of the aspects of how he dresses and how he acts because he lives on long island and it is a completely different culture out there. Different accents, different lifestyles, etc.
Whether he is wearing a sweatshirt, t-shirt, or a jacket it always about his high school varsity football team. This along with jeans, and some sort of running shoes. When asked about this he replies with, well i like it, its pretty cool to be on the varsity football team and i am only a sophomore, so i want people to know. The shoes are for comfort and the jeans is because he likes them but also because everyone else out there wears them.
I don't really see anything too special about this, if i were to dig i would come up with that he does it to be someone because no one wants to feel insignificant but that would have to mix in with comfort and just tradition. These wouldn't be new ideas. The real new ideas would be that these people all do this to feel different from one another but really they just want to be the same as each other because creativity isn't something that is taught, nor is individuality. They play team sports and because of that they learn to operate as a community so they are proud to be a part of this community. We pride ourselves on being individuals and they are all about being similar. It varies on the community. Not a huge discovery, but i think it means something to know that we aren't all the same, maybe you can predict what people will say based on what they live, but in a city like New York, you can't think everyone here is the same because there are people here from all over the world, so they all think different things that could all be rooted back to independent family/community/anti-community values. Whatever the reason is, i refuse to accept that we are all the same
Part B:
Who i am, and who i am to you are completely different people. I am not saying i have multiple personality disorder or anything to that effect but what i am saying is that i am never the same person for everyone. I can be nice, mean, condescending, quite, loud, smart, dumb. It all depends on the situation and who i am with because, honestly, i don't know who i am. I have had fights with people who are very important to me because they say i am two different people, and i know. I know that i am not the same person day to day and it eats me alive. I dress how i have always dressed but i started wearing brighter clothes and Nikes because i think that it would make me stand out more. I don't know if that is the really completely honest reason behind it because i don't know what i would say to answer that question in 20 minutes. I can feel that deep down inside me there is a person who really knows who he is and what he does, he is aware of his actions and what they do to people. He doesn't want to hurt people, he likes to see them smile because their smiles really are beautiful. Laughs are better then music to him. Being an ear to talk to and a shoulder to lean on are second nature to him. Does this make him human? Of course, whether or not he talks back, he is still aware and he still thinks about the things he does. He still feels it when someone hurts him. But the pain never seems to linger long because they don't really mean it. One day that person will show his face. Its hard to be that person because people don't really know what to do with someone who is like that. He is not the same person they knew. I hate this, i really do, i hate it that i can't always be who i want to be, it drives away the people who are closest to me. They are the ones who count and they are the ones who deserve to be treated right because deep down they know that this person is there too. He is known to make an appearance at the right times, but he doesn't stay long. Life is a hard thing to embrace because, well who knows when it is going to let you down. That isn't what is important though, what is important is that i recognize who i am. People are collages of the people around them. They are made of the good and the bad, because not everyone will look favorably upon every trait that they have, no matter how many times people may say that they don't live for other people, they know that they are willing to change for the people who they care about, and they think care about them back. I know that i would be willing to change for my good friends if they wanted me too. But i don't always know if i can. I don't know if i can be able to do something like that, i don't know if i can just change like that. I wish i could. I don't know how much writing about it here for everyone to see will help me here. Maybe it is just another one of my personalities who is doing this to me. But that doesn't matter right now. I don't really know how much does matter. What i do know for certain is that no matter who i am at the moment, what personality may be present, what reflection of society and the people around me i may giving off, i am still some version of myself, I have still taken that and made it my own. I would like to think that is more then i can say for other people, but i am in no position to say that, i just want to be able to recognize that i at least can understand this about myself. Just a thought
No comments:
Post a Comment