You aren’t important. Your ideas aren’t important, your actions aren’t important, your existence isn’t important. At least not to me… Dependence on another human is painful. It is hard to live when you are constantly looking for approval or attention. Everyone knows this because everyone has been hurt at one time or another by a person, yet no one does anything about it because maybe one day we can get lucky enough to find someone who values the same thing as us. Is that all life is, looking for someone else? We live for a cure to loneliness. Democritus said that “Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul.” What does it take to be happy? Can someone be happy and lonely? Happiness comes from having what you want, whether that is emotionally or physically. “Nothing is impossible as long as you try.”(My Mother).
Is my life empty because I don’t go out and get drunk every night? Your words are meaningless, your actions are meaningless, because you don’t fit in, you aren’t important. You aren’t important to me, what have you done to make my life any better then it is now? You came here and fucked up everything that I had going already. I could have been anyone and everyone, but now I am no one but someone. “Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true.” (Demosthenes). I am what I am, and you, and the guy behind you. I am all of them because, well, I don’t know who I am, that’s what makes me who I am. Rene Descartes once said, “I think therefore I am.” What does thinking do for us? I am no matter what stupid idea pops into my head, I will still exist no matter what conversation I may be having with myself. Descartes also said, “Except our own thoughts, there is nothing absolutely in our power.” I can think what I want about anything and the only thing you can do it tell me I am wrong, my imagination is more powerful then anything you can throw at me. These men are famous for their thoughts, not the actions or effects of their thoughts. They preached their ideas, they didn’t force people to listen, they did because they believed in what they said and looked to them for hope. They didn’t depend on these people, but had faith in them.
It was 9:30, absurdly early to be up on a Saturday morning, but he needed to meet someone. He quickly took a shower and got dressed, was about to walk out the door when he checked his phone, one new text message, it said, “hey sorry, I really can’t hang out today, I got a concussion and missed 2 days of school this week and I have SOOO much work to make up, sorry, we can hang out another time.” He wasn’t really shocked, he had known her since he was 3 months old and had a small feeling that she was busy, but he still had faith that she would come through. For that reason, he didn’t make other plans, so it was 9:30 on a Saturday morning, fully dressed and showered with nothing to do, where do you go from there? Back to bed? He was already up. Watch television all day? Might as well, all of his other friends were busy, oh well, its just one day, he thought.
That one moment of realizing that there is nothing to do and you really are alone, that is how emptiness feels. No matter how fast you recover, that little moment will stick with you for a long time. There are hundreds of ways to get rid of this terrible feeling but not one of them comes without taking a chance. With risk comes reward, but sometimes you have to question, is it really worth it? John Dryden says “Only man clogs his happiness with care, destroying what is, with thoughts of what may be.” When you begin to question what happiness really is then you begin to question if you really can be happy and then it all goes to hell in a hand basket.
All this is true to me, whether or not you agree is beyond me but I do want to leave you with some words by Mr. Ralph Waldo Emerson
To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men,
—that is genius.
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