HW 36 - Triangle Partner Help

Quinn,

I thought you really had a strong start with how you had the story and how it gave an emotional and personal view into your own struggle with cool, i think the way you were able to personalize it gave me at least a much deeper and more significant view into your paper. I think the story itself can be used to a multitude of levels, such as a personal view on the oppision of cool, or maybe as a youth in revolt type thing. It can end any way you want it to and make it have any message you want it too because the emotional level of it allows it to be like that. With all that said i do think there is some room for improvement, the story is very good but there is some cleaning up to do with who talks and the grammer and such, then my biggest problem is the second half, i think that you really could do so much more then the be what you want to be stuff. We are always discussing that in class and i think there is so much more that you can talk about that. It is just kind of cliche, but if you touch it up and put some of your own personal thought i think that this can be something great and really moving and deep, but thats just me.

Sam

Will,
So you bascially were saying that smoking is a way for people to be cool like John Wayne, but still be independant and badasses because they are being rebelious and "stupid."
Something you could include goes back to the early days of when smoking was being outlawed everywhere and yet it was still strong, They were increasing the taxes and yet people still found a way. It all about the ability to find a way to smoke for the reason that they can say they do,
What you could do to improve this would be to just kind of move it forward.
You need to work in details, right now it is just a shell, then again it is just a draft, i think it was a strong beginning.
This is a good paper, it is much better then the nonsense i have as of now, but yeah.
cool story bro
sam